This might make me seem selfish but I've had a really hard time the past couple of months with this whole gaining weight thing. So I would like to talk about it.
In college, I gained a good bit of weight. My freshman and sophomore years, there was more than one occasion that my dinner consisted of an entire package of Oreos washed down with milk. I was pretty unhappy with my living situation and I had a really hard time living in the dorms and then in a small apartment. I discovered those first 2 years of college that I am much happier living with a yard. Even if it's the smallest yard known to man, I just need some kind of a private, grassy area to be happy. I think growing up with 25 acres to roam will do that to a person.
Anyway, I got chunky. I felt very ugly and I never dressed well because nothing ever fit right. I'm pretty sure at one point I tipped the scales at 190. No wonder no one wanted to date me.
January 2010 rolls around. I actually got really sick...just like a cold or something and wasn't able to eat solid food for a few days and I lost a few pounds. I kinda felt good, so I ended up drastically changing the way I ate from then on and was able to lose 40+ pounds over the course of the year. By the time I graduated in December, I felt amazing. I weighed less when I graduated college than I did when I graduated high school. And once I lost a good bit of weight, I was able to eat bad things again and not gain any weight. I somehow managed to seriously boost my metabolism.
2011 I was able to completely maintain my weight while working at Reynolds. I might have gained 5 pounds back just from eating out every now and then but typically if I ate a big lunch, I wouldn't eat much dinner. I bought clothes like crazy because everything looked good on! Such an amazing feeling.
In 2012 when I moved out to California, Carson and I rarely ever ate out and by cooking all the time, I was able to lose a little more and I consistently weighed 140. The picture on the left is from our marriage ceremony in March and the picture on the right is from our engagement pictures in April. Not too huge of a difference but I could feel it.
I was probably my skinniest at our wedding in October. I wasn't trying to lose weight before the wedding, it just happened that way. Coincidentally, I was about 2 weeks pregnant.
Now, I'm 6 months pregnant. I've gained 21 pounds so far. It's hard for me to look at pictures and not feel like I felt in the very first picture above. My face has gotten fatter, my arms are huge and my legs rub together like they used to when I was bigger. My clothes don't fit well and shopping is miserable. I feel just so out of control and I don't want to be. It's kind of terrifying gaining weight EVERY.SINGLE.WEEK. I honestly should probably quit stepping on the scale but I'm afraid I'll have less control if I don't know how much I've gained each week.
I worry about the fact that I still have 15 weeks left to go. Do I really have to gain another 15 pounds? I'm sure I don't HAVE to, but changing my eating habits at this point wouldn't go over too well I don't think. I honestly don't even feel like I'm eating that much differently than I was before I got pregnant. I think that's what kills me. For years, I was able to maintain a healthy weight and now everything that I did before just makes me gain more and more weight.
I know this probably all sounds terrible. I also feel blessed to be pregnant and to be creating new life. I'm so thankful that I have a supportive husband by my side. I'm so in awe at the changes that my body is going through and I know it will be worth it when I hold my daughter in my arms. Fingers crossed. I'm only 24. Bounce back, body! You can do it!
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