40 Days

We're 40 days away from what I am deeming my unofficial due date, May 10.  I will be 36 weeks on that day and I hope and pray that the twins stay put until at least then. 

The only word to describe Carson's and my initial reaction to having the twins is shock.  Carson and I had both taken off work the day we had our first ultrasound and we had originally planned on having a fun day date afterwards.  Instead, we came straight home and sat on the couch...barely speaking.  We both had a million questions and concerns but the shock initially just...silenced us.

Will I be able to breastfeed?  Yet to be determined, but I really hope so.  I've been reading as much as I can about it and I know it CAN be done. 

Will I be able to deliver naturally?  Yet to be determined, but I would love to be able to.  I already know it will be different.  To be honest, this was one of the first things that I grieved about (for lack of a better term) when I found out we were having twins.  Looking back on Allie's birth, there's not a single thing that I would change and the thought of having a repeat experience was immediately taken from me when we saw the ultrasound screen.  The stars have to align for my doctor to allow me to have a natural delivery: they both have to be head down, they have to be very close to the same weight, no induction, and they have to be healthy.  I hate my doctor.  And I have hated this entire time how she has been so hell-bent on having a C-section.  IF I deliver naturally, I will have to have an epidural and will have to deliver in an operating room, in case an emergency C-section is required.  So far, we have never seen both babies with their heads down.  On Tuesday, Twin A was breech and Twin B was transverse.  There is a small part of me that just hopes that they don't get in the correct position.  If they do turn and for whatever reason, I'm not able to try to deliver naturally, I think I will be even more upset about losing that opportunity.  However, if they never turn and C-section is our only option, I will feel more at ease.  To be honest, having a C-section terrifies me and opens up so many more questions that I have.  For now, I'm just trying not to think about it too much.
 
How will Allie feel?  I'm still so worried about this.  Initially, Allie was just getting a sibling.  Now she is getting 2 siblings that are already going to have this incredible bond.  Will she feel left out? 

Will I ever sleep again?  Another thing I'm just trying not to think too much about.  Thankfully, now that twins are in our life, we are seeing twins pop up everywhere!  People that have found out that I am having twins have been very quick (but not annoyingly so) to tell me that it is not double the work, that everything will be okay, and that a schedule is KEY.  The twin community seems to be very much more supportive than the singleton community--where it sometimes feels like everyone is just out to point out the things you're doing wrong.

Will they be healthy?  Still a huge concern of ours.  There are a couple of things that have been found on the ultrasound that would suggest otherwise...or...could mean nothing at all.  We won't know until I deliver.

They can't merge together, can they?  This was a HUGE concern of mine in the beginning!  It's crazy how much we have learned about twins and how much we didn't know that we didn't know!  I was terrified that if they got too close they would become conjoined somehow, but I quickly learned that that all depends on when the egg splits.

Are they identical?  Our girls are considered Mono-Di twins, which means they are sharing a placenta but are in separate sacs.  In other words, yes, they are identical.  To me, they look pretty different in the ultrasound pictures and I'm kind of hoping they aren't COMPLETELY the same.  One less thing to think about for the rest of my life, "Now, which one are you again?"

What will I look like after this?  I don't even care that this is incredibly selfish.  Bouncing back from one baby was not a problem at all and I had not a care in the world about bouncing back from the second pregnancy until finding out there were 2... Now I'm terrified that I won't ever feel or look like I did before.

How in the world are we going to do this?  Yet to be determined.

Do we need a bigger car?  Thankfully, we went with the almost full-size SUV when we upgraded my car a couple of years ago.  We bought narrow infant car seats and it may be tight for a while until Allie is bumped up to a booster seat, but we're going to make it work!

What am I going to do about work?  I'm going to take a break from working.  Carson and I decided that at the end of the day, if we're trying to split our time between work, kids, and each other that we would both be at the end of our rope.

Can we afford 3 kids in daycare--2 being infants?  The answer is yes, but we decided that it just isn't worth it. 

Will I be able to handle staying at home?  We shall see!

How much more stuff are we going to need?  We're hoping to keep excess stuff to a minimum.  We still need to buy a few things, but we're going to try to wait on most things until we truly feel like we NEED them.

In many ways, this pregnancy has been easier than the first.  I knew a little bit about what to expect.  My body definitely knew a little bit about what to expect.  I haven't had the pelvis pain or popping that I had before and haven't had the need to wear any type of support.  I'm doing my best to take it easy.  I'm very ready to quit working but everything is going really well so far so there is no reason to stop just yet.

Hopefully these babies stay put for 40 more days!